1800's house + beautiful artwork = third-world country, here I come!

So I have been waiting all day to update everyone on what God is doing! It pumps me up!! Yesterday, we finished Sequoyah's house, the one with all the crazy stuff happening, and to be honest I was afraid to go to the house on Sunday, but by yesterday, I didn't want to leave. God gave me a heart for Sequoyah and her neighbor Jazzbo (ha, love the name! and yes, they have a little "thang" goin on). They are the craziest, most "different" people I've ever met, but Lord have mercy, I have listened to story after story, and I just absolutely love the people! I feel like God has given me a new love for people and a new burning passion for Himself, as I have been praying for. I have struggled forever with anxiety, just always feeling overwhelmed by things, and so lately I've been praying for God to take that away, to increase my faith, and help me see things more clearly, as He does. I want to see and love people the way He does. And I want to fall absolutely and passionately in love with Him. And I cannot explain the things He has done in my heart just this week. Every day as I have been working, He has constantly been on my mind. God and I have laughed together, cried together (in my mind, because my eyes don't tear easily anymore, which is sad), I've gotten mad while He laughs, and we've just enjoyed each other! The song "Yearn" by Shane and Shane is my theme song for the week. (It says, "I want to yearn for you; I want to burn with passion for You, only You.") I want to fall in absolute head-over-heels love with my God and with the people He has created, and I feel like He has done that this week. I have been much less anxious that usual, except for earlier tonight when I had an anxiety attack, which went away with time, prayer, and trust, as I felt God gently drawing me nearer to Himself and inreasing my faith that He is all I need. As I look back over the summer, the past two weeks, and my entire life, I can see in a new light traces of God's hand at work. It amazes me that every single moment in my life comes together to make me who I am, a vessel for the Lord to use in incredible ways. (A good song for that? Bless the Broken Road..my goodness, they've got me listening to country!) And I've decided that the reason I've never truly been satisfied with society and with "stuff" is because I've not been created for it (of course, we know that, but do we actually live and believe it?). It seems like it really takes us going out completely on a limb, trusting God to lead us on and take care of our every need, to realize that He is truly all we need. It is easy to sit in a nice air-conditioned, padded-pew church building and sing about how God is our All in All or our only hope, or all we desire, but it is different when you go to a house that belongs to an incredible artist with three children who have all lived in a house with no walls and wide-open windows for 4 years and spent 3 winters without insulation or any kind of warmth. The house? Beautiful. Cassie's (the mother) artwork? Incredible. The small "farm" on their property? Priceless. It made me cry. And it is here, and it is in the face of Jazzbo, a rough pot-bellied man with tattoos all over both arms, who smokes and lives with another guy in a house with a roof that needs to be replaced, but who cares for people like no other, it is in these places and faces that I see Christ. And it is this Christ, this Love that has given its all for me, that I give my life to follow. We sing the song that says, "I give my life to follow everything I believe in.." but what does this truly mean for us? For me, it means the poor. That's my passion. That's my heart. And it didn't come from me. But I love my God more passionately for having mercy and grace upon me and opening my eyes to the greatness of Who He is in the face of precious people. And as I sit here, writing about this Love, listening the 70's song "Let's Groove Tonight", I worship my God. I pour out my heart to Him as I pour out my heart to You about how He is loving me and loving these families. I don't think I can ever look at the world in the same way again. The way I've seen my Lord work, the way I've seen Him love the people that the world turns away, draws me to my knees in prayer and praise, begging God to lead me to those who don't know Him. "May the Lord bless us and make His face shine upon us, that Your ways may be known on Earth, Your salvation among all nations..." And so I pray that they may know. God, that they may know...

oops!

Actually, I just realized that the story I referred to in that last post, I only posted half of here..I just sent it in messages to people. So here is the story..somewhat backwards and out of order, but here nonetheless! :) (So read this first, then the one that's called "I want to yearn for You...") :)


Hi guys, I know I've already asked this, but I must ask again. As I said before, the house we are at this week has some major spiritual warfare going on. It's honestly like nothing I've ever seen or felt before. I sensed it Friday when we visited the house, and tonight it has reached the strongest it's been. My roommate, who is also on my site, and I were talking about the day, and we sensed it here. Well, first, I'll tell you about today. Actually, let's back up to yesterday..

So I went into the week really hoping that ministering to the homeowner was my job, and excitedly looked forward to what the Lord would do through me. I tried several times to leave whatever job I was doing to go speak with her, praying I would not miss an opportunity. But every time I would try to talk to her, it seemed the conversation went nowhere, except to talk about anxiety, which I have struggled with and can relate to. But I just knew God was working, so I waited patiently. Then, I saw that a lady from the church group was talking with her outside on the swing. Of course at first there was a small sense of jealousy, because after all that was my job! but I was really all right with it, because I realized that it is not about me being used, but about her seeing the Lord. God gave me a total peace about her talking with the homeowner instead of me, but I continued to be in constant prayer.

Then today, I was working on scraping some window trim on the outside of the house, and I felt the most calm I've felt in 2 days, and I just prayed and talked with God and just had a good ol' time alone on that ladder. And I prayed for her. The homeowner had her best friend over today, and the two of them plus the lady from the church (Sharon) sat in the bedroom literally all morning talking, and I could tell it was a very good thing. Her bedroom is open to the walkway that leads to the washroom (which the precious girls scraped for 2 days, then found that the sheetrock underneath was molded and needed to be replaced..needless to say, they enjoyed demolition :) ), so we could see them talking. There came a time when the girls needed a break because the room is so small and hot (by the way, I was totally put in charge of that project, and we were rockin it!). So while they were gone, I was going to go see what needed to be done next, but I stopped outside the room to just listen to the conversation. I didn't hear much, but Sharon, the lady from our church group, was saying something about how God frees us from guilt. I felt the need to pray, and to pray vigilently.

So I went into the kitchen and sat down and just prayed. Then I looked over into the pantry, where there is a staircase in the floor that leads underneath the house. This, I believe, is where her husband had some of the computers set up for watching the boys, so I knew it was just an awful place. I could feel something, some spirit, as I was going down, but I knew I needed to be there. It was secluded and quiet. And I got down on my knees, in the nasty dirt, and just prayed. I thought of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, and how He prayed so passionately and so hard because the devil was all around Him. The more I prayed, the more I felt the need to pray, as I began to feel that the devil had a huge stronghold on the house. I realized that where I was is possibly one of the most unholy places there. I prayed and prayed, and then a song came to mind that says "Blow, mighty breath of God, move upon this place. Oh, mighty breath of God, come in power and grace...". Then I prayed some more and came up from underneath the house, where I joined the group to eat lunch.

I got the opportunity to pray over lunch, which was cool. Then after lunch I was taken off the site and told to go to another, which desperately needed to be finished today. There, I enjoyed beautiful scenery, while at the same time feeling like I was in a third-world country because of the condition of the place. It made me excited, because that's where I want to be one day! :) And there was this dog there, named Dixie, who seemed to have very little human contact. She was chained to a tree, with a very short leash, she had no bowl but her food was lying on the ground, and it was rather obvious that she couldn't go far because of the massive buildup of droppings to the side of where she was. So I played with her, layed with her in the grass while she layed on top of me, and then shoveled poop in the Name of Jesus so that she could have a cleaner environment :) And that made me happy..a great blessing in the midst of all the craziness.

But then tonight, my roommate and I came to our apartment, where we talked about some things. Then the conversation turned to the house, and we talked about materials we need for tomorrow and things like that. I shared with her the story of today, and how I prayed under the house. And then we both agreed that we felt a very strong spirit there in our apartment, and it was not the Spirit of God. So we vigilently prayed. We just prayed and prayed and prayed, because there was nothing else we could do. Then I began to sing. And so we sang. And prayed some more. Then we talked about other things, and then we prayed again. Then we decided we needed to go to bed :) And so she did, but well now here I am typing this, because I wanted to do it before I went to bed. But before she went off, we decided that tomorrow while Sharon and another lady from the church take the homeowner and her friend out to lunch, we will get the entire group together and pray over each room of the house and over the neighborhood. And so that is what we plan to do. And I have a peace that by tomorrow all will be well. I really do. And I praise my God, and I rejoice, because He is revealing His power to us. And His glory will be over this house like no other. And that, dear friends, is the power of our God, and the power of prayer. "If My people, who are called by My Name, would humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear, and I will forgive, and I will heal their land." And so let us pray. :)

I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion over You and only You..

hey guys! sorry I've left you hanging without the finish to the story of last week, but we've been super busy. So here goes..The next day, we got to the house, and I was just, well, scared. But I knew I must trust my God. After we had talked with the youth minister about our plan to pray through the house (he agreed and informed me that other people in the group had said something about the eerieness), I went to work in the laundry room, where we were having to redo the entire wall of sheetrock, and I told the other missionary with me there that I just couldn't handle it, it was just too much. She told me just to go outside, so I obeyed and went to climbing a ladder to scrape a window. I couldn't make it far up the ladder before I just wanted to cry before the Lord. I told Him how I just couldn't handle it..it was just too much! And I felt His loving arms surround me, and He told me that that day I would feel some of the deepest darkness I had ever experienced, but that day the house would be His. So I just trusted and remained in Him. I couldn't pray, I couldn't find words. I just knew He was there and so I tried to still my mind and just know that He is God.

So after lunch, we all stood on the deck outside, read some Scripture, and prayed. Then we went inside to the living room and did the same, then we sang. And so I figured that after that, all would be well, but my fellow missionary friend and I agreed that it was not completely ok. But I trusted and remained in Christ. And by the end of the day, I felt at peace.

I was placed back at the same house this week with another church group. I guess God isn't done there! Seeing pictures of the house gives me a creepy feeling. When I was told I was going back there, I didn't want to go, but I knew I needed to. I knew I needed to see her again, for some reason. So I went obediently. And I had the best time!

The day began on a bad foot; I was in a bad mood because I wanted to wake up early this morning to spend time with the Lord, but once again I was awakened at the exact time I was supposed to be gone. And so I got left. And I was rather overwhelmed over everything..feeling frustrated with myself (stupid selfishness..) because I could not get it together, anxiety about going to the house again, fear of what might be, everything. Just a sour mood..not of God. And my partner for the week was obviously in a bad mood. But I had had a great conversation with a wonderful lady last night (wink wink), who encouraged me to just learn to enjoy God and spend time with Him, to fast from something and just to focus on Him. So I decided I would fast from worrying about the future and everything that goes with that (which is a kop-out fast until the Lord reveals what He really wants me to fast from), and I would focus on the Lord and His goodness, seeking His plan, and praising Him today. And it was the best day! I spent some time in the morning in the laundry room (as I had already started to say before) with this lady, who told me her incredible story about how her husband wanted a divorce but she didn't want one, but how God showed her she should, and so she did. Not long after, he was put in prison for selling illegal drugs. Then the Lord led her to go to the Catholic church, where He led other people to come to her and seek her out on playing the organ for them. She was confident that it was the Lord protecting her from what could have been had she not allowed the divorce. Then I left the room for a minute, thinking about the homeowner and her friend who had been talking in the living room all morning. So I went and asked them what they were talking about..then her friend broke down and shared about how her husband has an alcohol problem and wants a divorce, not because of another woman, but because of partying. He told her it hurt him that he had such a great woman at home and treated her as he did. She of course didn't want a divorce, because after all the Lord does not like divorce. So I got to share with her a little of my passion for waiting for God's best in marriage, which somehow by God's cool work, helped her. Then I told her she should talk to Mrs. Jackie, the lady who had been working in the laundry room with me. So I just left them alone and went to pray.

This day has just been sprinkled with the Lord's blessings. Just when I've needed extra strength or encouragement, it's been right there. Just when I needed someone to make me laugh, I got a text message. And so here I am, just longing to fall in love with my God again. As A.W. Tozer said, "God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still." Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. And Isaiah 53 has been on my heart and mind, about God's love displayed in Christ. "But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed." Praise be to God for His indescribable gift!

Crazy Intense..coming right up!

Hey guys, sorry it's been awhile since I've updated, but God has been doing some absolutely incredible things this past week. But I just wanted to ask everyone to please be in special prayer for our group this week. My group in particular, a group from a church called Temple Baptist from South Carolina (funny, I know), 2 other summer missionaries, and I will be working at a house with some pretty intense situations. The lady who owns the house was married to a man who wired the entire house with cameras to spy on their child and his friends. When his wife, the homeowner, discovered this, she turned him in, and he committed suicide in their house. There are many things that need to be done on the house itself, but I have been given the special mission of spending a lot of time with the homeowner, just being there for her to talk to and just to do some intense head-on ministry.

When I discovered all this on Friday, I was absolutely pumped about going this week. We visited the house on Friday, and when we got onto the street, I seriously felt like I was in a third-world country..it just looks so homely and poor. And when we arrived at the house, I could feel the Spirit of God strong around the house, but as the weekend has transpired, things have changed. I have felt some pretty intense spiritual things, and I think this week will be a very intense time of some spiritual warfare, like nothing I've ever seen before. I was laying in bed last night at like 4:30 in the morning (I know I just said last night and in the morning in the same sentence, but you catch my drift) and was praying because I was still wide awake. And I began to think about the power of God and how incredible it would be to actually see the glory of God, as we often pray. I am constantly praying for God's glory in this city, but I thought of it in a different way last night. When Moses asked to see God, God pretty much said to him, "no buddy, you think you want to see Me, but you can't handle it!" So in His love and grace He hid Moses in the cleft of the mountain and allowed him to see only his backside, because He said no one can see His face and live. So I prayed something bold; to see the glory and power of God displayed in my life. I suppose Satan didn't like that too much!

Today after church I began to feel sick, so I didn't eat lunch, then after we arrived at the Minsitry Center to get things ready for the week and for orientation tonight, I began to feel really week and light-headed. I honestly felt like it was Satan because I knew we would have a crazy intense week ahead. But at the same time God used it for His glory because it gave me some time to spend alone in prayer, as I left the Ministry Center and returned to the apartment for some rest. While "resting", I could just sense God's Spirit telling me to be still, to rest in Him, allthewhile feeling very anxious and uneasy about something. And I honestly feel like there is some major spiritual battle going on that I cannot see, and I think it will probably carry over into the week. So I will spend much time in prayer, listening to and waiting for God. I will try hard to rejoice and be joyful, because it is easy to be discouraged and feel weak. But my God is not weak. He conquered death and the grave, and nothing in all creation can separate me from His love. There is something incredible that God is preparing us for this week, and I can't wait to find out what it is! But I will not be so foolish as to think that I can by any means do this in my own power. So I ask you to be in constant prayer with me for this family and their healing. And I ask you to remember all God's people throughout the world and pray for boldness, opportunity, and clarity of words in presenting the gospel, as Paul instructs us to do. "For we have not been given a spirit of timidity and fear, but of love and a sound mind." "Mercy triumphs over judgment." "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." "The Lord will fight the battle; you need only to be still." "Be still and know that I am God..." "Trust in the Lord will ALL your heart and do not lean on your own understanding."

All of life comes down to just one thing; that's to know You, oh Jesus, and to make You known

Wow, this has been one of the most incredible days of the summer. I look back on this day, and I can see traces of God's glory all over it. It started when I way overslept. We were supposed to be at the ministry center at 6:30 this morning..my roommate came in my room at 6:28 wondering where I was. So I jumped up, threw on my clothes, brushed my teeth and threw water on my face, and out the door I went with untied shoelaces. So no time for quiet time with God! But you know, last night something seemed to tell me that would happen (again!) this morning. So when I woke up, I realized how rediculous it is for me to get frustrated with myself (as I usually do) with not waking up or being awake enough to spend time with the Lord, when there is an entire day to talk to Him. I mean, it is important, it's very important! But I don't need to put God in a box and say He can only use me if I convince myself I've spent enough time in His Word and in prayer every morning, especially when it ends up being almost legalistic. Anyway, that's not the good part..

So I'm with this group this week, Lakeview Baptist Church from Lewisburg, TN (small town, small church, great passion for Christ). And there's this one lady in particular who literally keeps me going through the day when I get so sleepy. Her name is Minnie (yes, like Minnie Mouse), and I tell you she is the craziest thing I've ever met, but she is an absolute blessing. And the entire group is, really! They are all just so fabulous, and I feel like I've made a new family! Which is good, because I go through Lewisburg when traveling to Shelbyville to visit my cousins, so now I have a place to stop in good ol' Lewisburg before getting stopped for a speeding ticket in Cornersville (inside family joke). And this week we're at Mrs. Bibbins house. She is an 84-year old, precious lady who lost her husband 5 years ago. She says she never imagined she'd have to live without him, because they married so young (for 60-something years!!). Her 54-year old daughter lives with her, who has had lots of medical problems, including cancer, and has to sleep with an oxygen machine every night. There are also 2 little 7-year old boys running around all day who just steal my heart! But I feel a very special drawing to this family. The house they live in is built on a hill, and through time the foundation has made the house actually seem like it is built on a hill, because all the floors inside are sloped, as are the walls, and well let's just say there's a lot that needs to be done.

Here's a picture of pulling up the subflooring to fix some joists, as best we could! We did this in a couple of places throughout the house, but other than that we're just going to lay lauan and put in some flooring!

Anyway, so enough about the work. The important stuff..I was talking with one of my missionary partners for the week about missions and being called to the mission field as a career. We were talking about selling everything and going, and he got really excited and told me I needed to talk to this man and woman who are literally selling all they have, house and all, and going to the foreign mission field. I thought it was kind of strange for me to just randomly call them during the middle of the day, but he absolutely insisted, so I did, and I'm glad I did. He (the man) couldn't talk much, but he gave me his home phone number and told me to call and talk to his wife later tonight. So after we got back from AO and from our little run to Wal-Mart (we got off early tonight, and it was wonderful!), I called her, and I kid you not I had chills the entire time we talked. She has no idea how much of a blessing she was to me, a complete sock in the head from God, being like, ok wake up! :) She talked about some experiences she has had on the field and how she knows that the Lord is calling them to go now. I can't share all she said, but it was incredible. It was an absolute clear sign from God, giving me confidence, guidance, and people who know what they're doing (contacts!) that I need to follow Him to whatever crazy place He may lead me in the future. It was so exciting, so I got on my knees and praised God, then I surrendered and said here I am, send me! I can't wait to see where the Lord leads me in the future.

So I couldn't stay on the floor for too long, because I had to go play tennis with my group (I love these people!). I really only expected Minnie and this other precious lady named Tammy (the youth minister's wife) to be there, but several of the group showed up. Travis, the youth minister, and I played a short round (I wooped his tail), then we let other people have their turn. Before we met up though, when we were talking on the phone, deciding what time to meet up, I told them I would tell them in person what it was, but that something very exciting was happening (that would be the phone call). So when they got there, I excitedly explained the conversation. Of course, no one was as excited as I was, but through it, Travis and I ended up talking for at least an hour about missions, martyrs, true faith, the ruts the American church is in, music (he plays guitar and piano, writes music, and even has a recording studio..legit!), and movies. God continues to confirm in my heart His calling, and I could not be happier than to think that He has considered me worthy. What greater thing is there, than to know Christ and to make Him known? That's what we live for, what we were created to do. So then after we played tennis (or they played and we talked), the ladies walked me back to my apartment, and we stood and talked for awhile about everything! I shared with them my struggles, my fears, and my clear calling. Which reminds me..

I don't think I've shared with everyone the story of my specific calling. Maybe I have, but if so I'll share it again, just because it makes me happy :) So for the past semester, I struggled so very much with everything-changing my major, where my life is going, and even whether I believe in this God and this Bible. Crazy as it is, through all the struggle over whether I even believed in God, my heart was always stirred when I heard a sermon or something talking about missions or about the precious poor people who have never heard any news of hope in the world. Though I struggled with whether I believed the Bible, I never quit searching, and God was more than faithful. Looking back, I'm sure it was an absolute time of spiritual warfare, and I didn't even know it; God preparing me for whatever lies ahead, and Satan for sure not liking God's work in me. So anyway, through the semester, the thought of career missions was constantly on my mind, but I was never sure exactly what God wanted me to do. I remember praying specifically, starting right before I came here, about why I was always stirred for this. Many times I was completely taking it by faith that the God I was praying to even existed, because it sure didn't feel like it. But I remember asking God why every time I heard about missions or someone talk about their ministry to the inner-city children, or whatever, my heart was stirred and I wanted to be there. I didn't understand why, if I questioned God so much, I cared anything about the tribes deep in the heart of the African jungle who have never heard the name of Jesus. And it didn't take long for God to respond. He led me to John 1, and a few verses stood out to me. It says, "The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.." Jesus came to earth and dwelled AMONG us, which means He was on our level, He got down and dirty with us and LIVED with us! And He has called us to do the same with sinners. Then it says "and we have beheld His glory, of the One and Only, sent from the Father full of grace and truth." (FULL of GRACE and TRUTH! Christ has come not to condemn the world, but to fulfill the law in love and to preach the gospel of grace! And we have seen this glory, we have heard the gospel and experienced His healing touch!) But then the very next verse says "And John testifies concerning this." And in that moment, I felt the Lord clearly say, "Come, follow Me in this." And since then, there has been an absolute peace, no doubt, that this was God and His calling.

So anyway, I'm super pumped about what God is doing, and to find out where He is leading me. I will try to let everyone know any updates, but for now, I'm hoping to go back to Mrs. Bibbins's house tomorrow and hang out with them some more.

Just for fun, here are some pictures of some of the things we did today.. :)

We snapped some beans for Mrs. Bibbins. Thanks, mom, for all the years of practice for this day! ;) It was Will's (dude in the black) first time to ever snap beans..he's from Maryland!

My group convinced me to try peanuts in a coke..very interesting! I had never heard of this before. And another thing I had never heard of that I ate on my sandwich at lunch..yellow tomatoes! Mom, you've never shared that experience with me! :)

And also just for your pleasure, here is my favorite picture from our site..it just makes me happy, just because :)

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

Thank You, Lord, for this opportunity.

Over the Mountain and through the woods..

Wow, this week has been incredible. Well, today specifically. Yesterday was a little crazy..not bad, just, well, Monday. It's the first day we begin our project and that with our new groups, so we are just getting to know one another for the first time on Mondays. Anyway, it seemed as if God was blessing me around every corner today. Our group of missionaries have begun to study the book of James in our nightly study times (we've finished Ephesians and Philippians). So I began this morning digging into James 1 after last night, when I spent about an hour reading and studying. Several things in it stuck out to me, some very important things, like how the Lord uses trials to teach us perseverance, which must finish its work to make us mature and complete, not lacking anything. So first we see that God desires for us to be mature and complete and lack nothing. Then we see that the actual work is perseverance (perseverance must finish its work), and the avenue by which this is attained is trials of many kinds. And we are commanded to consider them pure joy. Like, hello! Crazy! We can, and must, rejoice when things are difficult or crazy or not what we want them to be or whatever (as if we truly know what it means to suffer), because that is our hope, as Paul talks about in Romans (to set our hope fully on glory).

So after my personal study and a delicious breakfast at New Blackwell BC, we headed to our site, which is about 45 minutes of pure beauty away from the church. The view on this trip is seriously beyond anything I've ever seen. And we get to see it everyday this week! But the cool thing today was when the leader of the youth group decided to spend some time visiting the "scenic overlook" on the side of the road on the way to the site. It was absolutely one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. And I said "who made this? God!" :) But I sat down and just looked out over the mountain, seeing the lower mountains and the huge lake with the fog and the tee-tiny little bridge off in the distance, and I began to sing. The song that goes "Your love is higher than the mountains, deeper than the oceans, wider than the heavens, and brighter than the stars, and I will sing how wonderful You are" is what I sang to the Lord first. Then the song "You are God" (the Charlie Hall one) came next. Then it was the Lord who spoke. And He quoted to me Habakkuk 1:5, "For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe if told." Wow, what an incredible moment!

This week we are roofing and laying flooring in a house that belongs to a couple in their 70s who have many medical problems and cannot get around much. While it is easy to get consumed in the job, especially when it's a roofing job, which I am convinced has become my favorite thing, the Lord has reminded me to slow down and not forget the people. The beautiful trip that is literally over the mountains and through the woods is also landmarked with small, humble dwellings that are at times a little shocking. There was one little house-thing in a curve where I literally said "does someone live there?" I feel like I am in a third-world country at times. But, I tell you, it is the most exciting thing! I'm reading this book called The Ragamuffin Gospel (by Brennan Manning, I recommend it to anyone) which talks about the religious barriers we many times put on people and upon who Jesus was, but how He many times hung around the nasty, "unclean" people. It has really changed my view of who Jesus was and is. Where I thought at one time I had pretty little lines drawn around who Jesus is, now there are only smudged gray areas. To think that the person of Jesus, who came in the flesh FULL of GRACE and TRUTH, the representation of God's love for mankind, is not at all confined to the small lines I drew for Him! He is far beyond my wildest imagination. And this has helped me to accept not only other people, but also myself. And to accept that there is no greater love than God's. ("Greater love has no man than this, but that he lay down his life for his friends.") Wow, the amazing grace and love of our God! And what a cool thing, what an honor, to be here and to use my hands and feet, to get nasty and dirty, sweaty and smelly, all in the Name of Jesus. That gets me excited! That gets me pumped not only about this week, but the rest of the summer, and, strangely, about going back to school with no major! It gets me excited to think of all the cool things God has planned for my life, that I may be "poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from our faith". What an honor, what a blessing.

I wish I could share all the cool things God has done just in this one day, but it's late and I need a shower! So God bless you all, and may the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you! :)

P.S. I definitely just pulled a tick out of my back from crawling under the house today. All in the Name of Jesus! :)

Broken Water Lines and Horizontal Skirting

So this week has definitely been another great one. I was back at the place I was my very first week here-a trailer belonging to a precious woman with 3 children, who just went through a nasty divorce. She got the trailer from her deceased sister, but it needed much work. She hired some people to do the work, but they ripped her off about $15,000, still leaving the trailer in pretty bad condition. My first week here, I didn't know what in the world I was doing! But the group worked hard, and there was a different group the following week who also made some headway on it. I don't think anyone was there last week, then this week of course, I was there. At first it was discouraging, because we had already been working for so long on the trailer, but it seemed to be getting nowhere. We kept running into new problems, having to make trips to Lowe's more than once in a day for supplies. But Wednesday was very encouraging, because we got some tile and some carpet laid in the floor. That made it look so much better! Then we got some cabinets and countertop, which made it look more and more like a home..finally! Today, another missionary and I went back to the site (our volunteer church group left early this morning, as they usually do on Fridays) to finish up some plumbing, which ended up taking literally all day! We got to crawl under the house with all the huge spiders and other creepy-crawlies, get wet and muddy from the leaks, and feel high from the primer and adhesive for the pipes. What great fun! Really, it was a lot of fun, and I hope we have finally given her water to the bathrooms! It has not been pressurized yet, because we wanted to let everything dry well, but hopefully it will all be well!

Yesterday, before the church group left, we got to pray with the homeowner and her grandmother and present them with a Bible that both groups signed. The homeowner prayed over us, thanking God for taking care of her in such a rough time in her life and for always being faithful. She prayed blessings upon us, and man were we blessed! It was just cool to think of how far the trailer had come from day one, and to think that there is still much work to be done, but that it is almost liveable! (That was a tri-compound sentence, if that's possible!) It was cool to be a part of that blessing. And her grandmother, we called her Mammaw, had been faithful through the week to bring us super-sugary kool-aid, and today she brought us some fresh, hot, made-from-scratch cake (DELICIOUS!). What a blessing it has been to walk with this family through this tough time! While we have been working on the trailer (and before we came) they were all living in Mammaw's house along with the deceased sister's child. I think they said there were like 7 people living in that house at once. Lots of kids! And one of Mammaw's cats had three little kittens, so we enjoyed playing with them when we took a bathroom break up the hill to Mammaw's house.

What a blessing it was to work with my church group this week, Lynwood Baptist, from Cape Girardeau, MO. (Hope I spelled that right) The women from their group stayed most of the time at the Ministry Center working with Kid's Klub, so the majority of the time it was just me and the guys on the job site. But they were hard workers, and we got a lot done. Mr. Dale kept us alive with his excited humor, and Mr. Bill tried :). I'm kidding, Mr. Bill was great. Jared and Billy worked hard on the deck and teaching me to install vinyl skirting (hence the title of the post, horizontal skirting. Adam, my missionary partner for the week, tried to show me how to do the skirting..let's just say he was wrong! :) ). And of course there was my partner Adam, and what can I say? It was an interesting week with all the van swappage! (different story for a different day.) All in all, it has been a great week, and I think the Lord is teaching me much about trusting Him. Things don't always go as we would like them to, they rarely do, but His way is always best, and we must learn to trust Him with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding! :)

God bless.

Soup Kitchens and Leaky Roofs

This week has been good..I have really felt the Lord stirring my heart. I don't know for what exactly, other than to realize my need for Him, and to trust in and rely on Him and the sufficient grace He gives. Today was rather eye-opening..there were many moments where I saw the Lord at work. It has rained every day this week, and that is just not good when you're trying to roof a house. It seems as if every day we have been surprised by rain and had to quickly cover the roof with tarps to keep the water out of the house (we are re-roofing the entire thing because it has pretty much rotted away, and when it rains, it rains in the house, know what I mean?). Yesterday we had to quit roofing around 3:30ish (we normally work til 5) because of a surprise thunderstorm, so we left after we covered the house with tarps and plastic. When we arrived at the house this morning, there was a note on the door from the homeowner saying that the roof had leaked through the night (there was a huge thunderstorm, threatening tornadoes, last night) and the lady, who has many health problems, had to leave and spend the night with her neighbor. That hit hard. Then the men were standing around, asking where the roof had leaked inside, no one knew, so I, being the oh-so-very-smart woman that I am, went inside to answer the question for myself! (ha!) Anyway, as I walked through the house, which I had done a couple of times before in the week, I took the time this time to notice how the people live. In one room (there were no bedroom doors in the house, only sheets hung over the doorway), there was a mattress and box springs on the floor, no bed frame, and in another room on the floor was just a mattress, with no box springs or frame. There was a little bit of furniture, but nothing matched, and well, you know. When you walk up the stairs, you have to bend over or you will hit your head because the ceiling comes so low at the bottom of the staircase. One of the biggest things that struck me when I walked in her bedroom (which is the first room you walk into when you walk in the front door) was that her bed (she sleeps in a hospital bed) was wet. This room is where most of the water comes in. Her comforter and quilt were soaked from the leaky roof. Had she stayed there last night, what would she have done? Could she even have stayed there? And how do you greet a person when you see them for the first time after that?

So needless to say, I was a little depressed for the first part of the day! But the Spirit reminded me that I needed to preach the gospel to myself. Then He continually blessed me with good conversation here and there throughout the day. One boy, who came for the first time today, when I asked him his favorite Scripture, told me a legit story about how people made fun of him when he was young, so much so that he was suicidal. But God had brought him to Isaiah 40 and said to him that "youths may grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings as eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." And that had literally saved his life, he said. Just a cool time when the Lord kicked me in the pants again for judgin folks.

And later this afternoon, I had a conversation with my supervisor, talking about the Word. In our nightly services, he always speaks, but he never cracks the Bible. He always uses stories to say things, but never uses scripture. The Lord graciously opened up a conversation about it, and he talked about how he doesn't know exactly what the "word of God" means (like when He promises that His Word will not return to Him void)..he explained that in the early church the disciples didn't use scripture to talk to one another, but they told people about Jesus and what He did. So my supervisor made a good point in saying that we many times get caught up in what's right and wrong, what's biblical and unbiblical, yet many times we forget simply who Jesus was. Anyway, this is a man I've been praying for since I got here..just something about him, the Spirit has placed him on my heart. So tonight during the service he shared scripture, and by goodness it was legit! It was just powerful. And I think I've just settled in my heart after prayer and some struggling that I just need the Word, the written Word, because it's just so good. I've tasted and seen that the Lord is good, and I don't want to rely on my own understanding of the world..I'm too crazy for that. I need the Word. All of it, even the parts I don't like because they hurt my feelings. God, give us a passion for Your Word! And may it go forth into all nations, to the places it is not known! And so friends, let us pray. And let us share the Word in word and in deed, relying solely on the power of the Spirit to lead us.

Grace and peace be with your spirit! :)

I haven't forgotten!

So I know it's been awhile since I've updated, but I still don't have internet access! Adam is working on it now..some business about an anti-virus, and how the one I paid to have for 2 years is locked or something..anyway, who cares. Yesterday we got another group, and they are precious. They're just a fun group! Actually, all the groups I've had so far have been great and fun. Today I roofed for the 1st time! And then I went to split wood (something I've done all too many times..). It's been an interesting but very good day. We started with the roof, then it started raining, so we got to make a super big slip'n slide on the roof (not really, but it seemed like a fun idea!) to cover up our work (and the holes).

It's quite interesting to think about what the Lord is doing. Honestly, I can't put my finger on it (doesn't He always seem to work that way?). I expected to come and have opportunity after opportunity to share the gospel, then to spend time discipling these people. Nope, notta. Not even an opportunity. So then I question myself..am I praying enough? Am I right with God? What's the deal? And it seems that time after time the Lord has preached over me to wait patiently for Him to act. So many times we get ahead of Him and want things our way. How many times do we pray for specific things, then get upset when we don't see them answered in the way we want them to be answered? Yet I think many times He just wants us to be faithful, and in the wait He increases our patience and dependence on Him.

Every week we have a church that sponsors us and feeds us for the week, so on Sunday mornings we go to the service at that church. This past Sunday was at the First United Methodist Church here in Jeff City. Being there was such a blessing. Actually, every church we've been to has been a blessing. This week the preacher preached exactly what I needed to hear. Well, first, the music was incredible..the Spirit was moving through that, then the preacher preached on the conversation between Martha and Jesus after Lazarus's death in Matthew. She questions Him, saying that if He had been there Lazarus would not have died. Jesus then asks if she believes that he will be raised from the dead. Martha gets all theological on Him and is like yes, Lord, I know that he will be resurrected on the last day. But she missed Jesus' point. He then says to her, "I am the resurrection and the life..." The preacher talked about how many times we want the Lord to act the way we want Him to, and so we look forward to something, often missing the present miracle of being with Jesus. He said to her I AM..not I will be or have been, but I am. Right now. And many times we don't get our prayers answered immediately or in the way we want them to be answered, but Isaiah talks about how our thoughts are not God's thoughts. He has such a huge plan for this summer, and it's only a vapor, a small portion of His eternal plan of redemption. He knows the needs of the people in this town. He knows the needs of the groups that come in each week to volunteer. He knows our needs. He knows the needs of the precious people in Zimbabwe who are getting those doggon pills that were popped and shipped to them. This is HIS work, HIS plan and purpose, and we are blessed to be a part of it. So I must step back and have faith in my mighty God. I must trust that He will accomplish His purpose in us this summer, whether it looks like it or not.

Tonight, Dr. Burton, a former C-N physics professor, did another of his famous scripture monologues, and he quoted the scripture where Jesus is telling His disciples that they will be reaping what they did not sow. And it was like the Lord was saying to me, sometimes you will be the reaper, and sometimes you will be the sower. Perhaps many times we are the sowers. And that's not the fun part! But He has only called us to faithfully spread the Word through love. But it's encouraging to know that my God has a plan that is much bigger than what I can see or explain. Who wants a God they can explain? So we rest in the arms of the Almighty, not trusting in our own wisdom or understanding, but trusting Him fully to direct our paths. And He will. Because He's faithful, holy God. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the Heavenly realms with every spiritual gift in Christ! :)

So if you would, just keep praying for our group, that we will be unified (we had a good Bible study on Ephesians 4 tonight and talked about it), and that we will be strengthened by the Spirit. Pray for the groups that come in every week, because many of them have junk in their trunks that they sometimes bring with them, if you know what I mean. They go through a lot at home, so many times they bring that struggle with them. But tonight we were blessed with a precious maissouce (ha, i can't spell!). Her work is going slowly, and she may be about to lose a lot with this awful economy and just because of some misfortune. But tonight she came and gave free massages to all the workers! Just because she's precious. And that blessed my heart, that she is the one who deserves the blessing, but instead she's giving it out. What a great picture of Christ. So pray for the people here, they have lots going on. Pray that Christ will be our center and focus. Once again, just pray for God's glory! :)

Update Finally!

I've been here a full week now, and I do not have internet access! (Not complaining, just letting you know why I haven't updated!) So yesterday we finished our first full week of work, and today we had our first free day! The week has been busy, crazy, stressful, yet incredible and such a wonderful blessing at the same time! I worked with the youth group from Englewood Baptist Church in Englewood, TN on a house for a lady who had a nasty divorce, then was ripped off by some guys she hired to fix this house up for her and her kids..$15,000 down the tube! She and her children have been living with her mother, who says that's just too many kids running around a house! :) We haven't yet completed the house, but what a blessing it has been to be used by the Lord! The lady and her mother are believers (or at least seem to be, as they have repeatedly said this is what they've prayed for). Please pray that they will be encouraged in heart and that their faith and relationships with the Lord will be strengthened, as well as that their needs be met. I felt, though, that this week, my biggest ministry would be to the youth group rather than the home owners, simply because we saw the homeowners only a couple of times a day. So I set out to get to know the youth, hoping that for the Lord's sake, they would find me cool and not a dorky missionary :) We ended up bonding in the coolest way ever, and I cannot imagine having a better group to work with! I prayed for them all week, that they would connect with the Lord and that His Spirit would grip their hearts, calling from among them preachers, teachers, and missionaries. And I trust He will. :)
I have the incredible opportunity of leading the praise band for the summer. It has been a challenge, and I look forward to seeing how the Lord grows me as a musician, as I have met many people who don't "do" my kind of music. :) I was surprised to find that my youth group preferred good ol' hymns from the hymnal rather than, say Chris Tomlin or Hillsong. Not that that's a bad thing, I was just surprised! :) So I will have to make a point to branch out and learn new ways of worshipping through music, being allthewhile (is that a word?) reminded that worship is not restricted to just music. Anyway, that's another sermon for another day. Just know that it's been a great week, and I look so forward to what the Lord is going to do and teach me this summer!
And a crazy-cool, out-of-the-blue door opened for me today. Earlier, I met a guy named Michael who is from Nigeria (South Africa), and as I was sitting outside alone this evening reading, he came up on his bike. While we were talking, a girl named Shelley walked by that he knows from ELI (English Language Institute, which teaches English to internationals who come to be students here). She ended up taking me to meet some Taiwanese people (she teaches and LIVES WITH Taiwanese people! So cool!). She said that most of them are not believers, so there will definitely be a door there, which is so very exciting, because I am on the internationals team of the BSU leadership team for next year. What a great opportunity! And Shelley seems so very outgoing. She gave me her phone number and said she would love to hang out some this summer, so maybe that will open up even more doors! I am pretty sure Shelley is a believer, because she talked about how the others are not, so perhaps there could be some sort of crazy friendship come out of that! All from reading a book, talking with the Lord on the sidewalk in front of my apartment. Crazy. Our God is God! And He's got a plan! :)


You're the God of this city,
You're the King of these people,
You're the Lord of this nation,
You are.

Greater things have yet to come,
and greater things have still to be done in this city!

We're here!

24 hours, 2 hours of sleep, 2 plane rides, airport at 4:30 am, orientation all day, and an 11:00 pm ice cream run..and we're ready to go! The plane ride was wonderful, no troubles at all. The Lord blessed me with a wonderful couple (who happened to live not long ago in Hattiesburg, went to Temple, and whose neice lived on my floor in the dorm this year!) who helped me find my way to my second plane. It being my first time flying, I was rather amazed at my Lord's creation. And to think that Heaven will be so much MORE glorious! :)

We arrived around 11:00 am yesterday here in Nashville, and orientation wasn't supposed to begin until like 1, so we got a tour of the Tennessee Baptist Convention building, met lots of people (they're crazy up here!) who work with TBC, and ate lunch with a group who will be traveling all over TN this summer doing VBS. Before we began the information part of orientation yesterday, we enjoyed a sweet time of worship with one another, through singing, signing (the Brentwood people signed our theme song, Love Them Like Jesus!), and Bible study. We were challenged with Hebrews 12:1-2, to throw off the sin and things that entangle us and hold us back, and to run the race the Lord has for us this summer and for our lives, using "veteran runners" (our cloud of witnesses) both from the Bible and people the Lord places in our lives, as tools for wisdom and guidance. It was a wonderful way to begin orientation and the summer!

My partner and I met part of the group we will be working with this summer; the rest of them stayed back in Jefferson City at AO (for future reference, that means Appalachian Outreach, the place I will be all summer!). The group who is here consists of me, one other girl, and a whole herd of crazy guys! We quickly clicked, as most of them have been together for a week or two already. I pray that the Lord will continue to bring us together until we're unified in His love! That's my biggest prayer right now, that we will be focused and that we will be unified. Please join me in that prayer! And please pray also for the people we will be serving, that there will be opportunities to share Christ and that they will be open to receiving it! Pray for us also that we may not rely on our own strength or abilities, but on the Lord's, "which so powerfully works in me."

Now unto Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us! To HIM be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Only a few hours left!

Wow, I leave literally in a few hours! We will leave home around 1:30 (that would be AM), headed for Jackson to catch a 6:25 plane. Thank God for daddies who drive for their beloved daughters! :) The excitement is beginning to build! I still have no idea what in the world the Lord is going to do this summer, but I know that He always works in big ways! And I know that I have a whole herd of people praying for me, and for that I am thankful. I have been so blessed by friends and family, and people who might as well be family, since I've been home. The Lord has surrounded me with prayer warriors, and I trust that God's hand in their lives is strong and that they really will be faithful as they have promised to pray. What a blessing. Paul, in Ephesians 2, lists 3 things that he prays "the eyes of (their) hearts" would be enlightened to, and one of them is the glorious inheritance in the saints. While this could be interpreted in many ways, one way I like to look at it is how blessed we are to have fellow saints! And indeed, we are so very blessed! I would just like to ask you to pray and continue to pray for a few things this summer..
-That we will be ever-mindful of our need for prayer and the Lord's guidance, that we will not run ahead of Him or lag behind, but that we will be able to discern the Spirit's leading in our hearts.
-That we will quickly get to know one another and be unified throughout the summer, that we will encourage and love one another as Christ would.
-That we would, as Christ, seek to serve rather than to be served.
-That the Lord would make the people we are going to be in contact with hungry for the Gospel and willing to give their lives to His work.
-That we would connect with the people, form relationships, and know how to effectively minister to their needs.
-That we would fall in love again and again with the Savior of our souls! :)

Less than a week!

So it's less than a week before I leave for TN for the summer! And I must confess my weakness. But not without confessing the Lord's strength. What I mean is, I have once again found myself in that place of just desperately needing my Lord. (Isn't that where we should be all the time?) I have allowed fear and discouragement to creep into the nooks and crannies of my mind, and that is not good. The Lord has not given us a spirit of timidity and fear, but of love, power, and a SOUND MIND. He has repeatedly commanded us to not fear, for the battle belongs to Him. And He has commanded us to consciously put on the armor of God to take a stand against the devil's schemes.

Today I was reading Psalm 41. Verses 10-13 caught my eye. They come at the end of the psalm, after David has told the Lord how everything seems to be crashing around him and everyone is forsaking him, even his best friend. And he asks the Lord to give him triumph over his enemies. "But You, O Lord, have mercy on me; raise me up, that I may repay them. I know that You are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me. In my integrity You uphold me and set me in Your presence forever. Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen." We don't have it all together. Many times we fail the Lord; He knows this better than we do. Many times I find myself comparing my life to others', wondering why I can't be perfect like so-and-so. But who is perfect? Only the Lord. Many times I find myself being anxious or worrying about things, things that worry cannot fix (because worry cannot fix anything). I confess this to the Lord (verse 4.."I said, 'O Lord, have mercy on me; heal me, for I have sinned against you'."). And I ask for victory over the enemy. And the enemy tells me that I have sinned too much, that the Lord is tired of forgiving, that He only has judgments left for me. Because that's what I deserve. Then I read verse 11, and I am reminded that because of Christ, God is pleased with me. Pleased with me! Not because of myself, or any good I could ever do (Check out Ephesians 2:8-9). But because of Christ. And verse 11 finishes by saying "for my enemy does not triumph over me." Satan can throw those fiery arrows (Ephesians 6..the armor of God). Oh wow, how he can throw those fiery arrows! But the Lord has given us protection. And our God, the Almighty God, has conquered death and Satan at the cross. And at the empty tomb. My Mighty God.

Sometimes we don't feel like we have anything to offer the Lord. And we don't. That's the beauty of the cross. That's the beauty of the Gospel. That God Himself came down.."[Christ] being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the Name that is above every name, that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow, in Heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:6-11) My God is Almighty God. My God is mighty to save. My God is the Everlasting God. And nothing can change that. Because He's God.

Oh my, oh my..

I leave for Tennessee in a week and a half! It is really hard to believe, especially seeing as how my stuff from moving out of the dorm is still in the boxes and bags it came home in, untouched. I feel lazy, but I have tried not to move too much after getting these wonderful gum grafts done. An excuse? Probably. Anyway, I must admit that I have mixed feelings about this summer. On the one hand, I'm excited, but on the other I am kind of scared. Probably because it's my first time to do something like this, for this long, and quite honestly I don't know exactly what I'm going to be doing, but I have to trust that the Lord is sovereign and He has me going here for a reason. Looking back, did I not pray during the times they were assigning people to places that the Lord would guide their decisions? Yes. And I got my 3rd choice. Did I not pray for clarity in going? Yes. And here we are. How can I doubt my God? But I do. Yet He is faithful. (That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me.)

I was reading this morning in some Psalms, where it repeatedly tells of the Lord's faithfulness. Psalm 89: 14 says "Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; love and faithfulness go before You." Here we are given 4 attributes of God: righteous, just, loving, and faithful. He is righteous, and He demands justice..He sent Jesus. He is loving and faithful. Always. In the midst of our faithlessness, our God is more than faithful. And powerful and loving. He is our just, righteous Father and friend. He is our loving and faithful Creator. And the next 2 verses speak of His sustaining power, "Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim You, who walk in the light of Your presence, O Lord. They rejoice in Your Name all day long, they exult in Your righteousness." He never changes (check out James 1:17). Our holy and faithful God. And He goes before us, leading the way in His triumphal procession. And He allows us to know Him and to make Him known.

Lord, humble me. Use me, though I am less than nothing. I am Yours, O Lord.

Finally..three months later..

So I have just spent some time reading blogs and such, after a long day of moving all my junk from the tiny dorm room, to the tiny car, to the tiny room in my tiny house. How can we accumulate so much stuff? HOW?! Where does it come from? And what do we do with it? I must admit that I am rather frustrated with myself for all the stuff I own. And I have no idea what to do with it all. I wish I could snap my fingers and it would be gone. I have this battle in my mind..the Lord said to sell your posessions and give the money to the poor. Yet there are people who are rich in the Bible, followers of Christ. And I see many God-fearing people today around me with just as much stuff as I have. I don't think they're wrong for having possessions. And I tell myself that for me, it's what it means to be American, to buy more and more stuff and never be content. Is this a bad thing? I don't know. I really don't. Perhaps if I spent more time in the Word seeking to truly understand what the Lord really says about it, I would be better off. I just don't know.

Anyway, the real reason I decided to blog at this time, like ten million years after I created this whole thing and wrote my first post (I am so not a faithful blogger, obviously). Hmm..where to start? I guess I could tell where I am spiritually, which is the only thing I really care to tell. This semester of school has been rediculously crazy. I have changed my major twice, and I have finished the semester as Undecided. (ha!) Since Spring Break, I have battled with whether I believe in God. Crazy huh? Nope, everyone does it. I have struggled with why I should believe in the One True God when there are countless people out there who do not. (This is such a weak argument, but I am only showing how foolish and weak I have allowed Satan to tell me that I am, rather than claiming the royalty that I am (1Peter 2:9) and the power of our God (Ephesians 1) ). For the possible sake of someone someday who may read this, I will be open and honest about it.

I suppose it all started with a conversation with someone who refused to believe in God. Well, not necessarily to believe IN Him, but the refusal to realize the need for a Savior and to trust Him as such. Anyway, because of this and because of the confusion of trying to learn the history of the world in a secular classroom (and the beginnings of world religions), and just simply because of my foolishness and weakness, I fell deep into confusion and seeming despair. I forgot the power of my God. I began to struggle with why I believe what I believe. I asked questions like is there really a God? Why should I believe this? and if I don't believe this, how can I still pray to Him? Do I believe this Bible is really His Word? And why? Why would I believe that? Because if you think about it, it is really pretty rediculous that the God of the Universe would come and die for me. I questioned why I should take a book (the Bible of course) and commit my life to living totally by it, when there are many other religions with many other books and many followers who follow those books religiously. (And I remember the prayer I passionately and desperately, wholeheartedly prayed on my trip home for Spring Break, the beginning of the craziness.."I want to KNOW Christ and the POWER of His resurrection, the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming LIKE HIM in His death, and so somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead"--Philippians 3:10-11..I suppose Satan didn't like this prayer.)

But through all these questions the Lord sustained me. Because of His grace (I clung to 2 Corinthians 12), and by His great mercy, I still went to Him. Daily. The Lord graciously led me many years ago to develop a habit of spending time in His Word in the mornings (praise Him for that!), and I could never let that go. Though many many many times this semester I spent this time questioning Him and battling how I could really read this and believe it as Truth if I wasn't totally convinced, but I can say that His grace truly is sufficient. The more the questions came and the more Satan pounded my anxious mind (he knows my weakness), the harder I clung to the Word. Again, the Lord was faithful to recall many passages I have never purposefully committed to memory. But it wasn't a pleasant time. Though Scripture came to my mind, I struggled all the harder to truly believe it. But the Lord put many friends in my path who encouraged me. They really will never know how much of a blessing they are. But oh, how unpleasant it has been! I daily longed for the next day to be better, for something to just amazingly become clearer, that tomorrow my quiet time really will be better, and I will feel like me again, resting in the arms of the Creator I know I believe in. I greatly missed the times when I would miss sleep just to be with the Lord, just because I could tell He was trying to tell me something through His Word and I didn't want to miss it. I missed the times I could sit for hours, digging through the Word, making notes and praising Him for showing me new things. I constantly longed to be back in that place, to be back on my face before Him. But why was I not on my face all the harder? I let the enemy win. And as school became harder and busier, with finals nearing the corner, I was convinced I could not please the Lord if I didn't spend time studying for my classes, putting my best foot forward. (Ha, as if I did anyway.) A good idea, I suppose, but not if it takes the place of my time with the Lord.

Anyway, to make the story even longer, I have spent some time today reading through other people's blogs, and then I read my last post and cried as I did. I miss so very much the night I wrote that. I spent several hours on my face before God in my friend's dorm room, reading Scripture, praying, praising, singing. I have gotten so caught up in so many things..busyness, insecurities, wanting other people's gifts, longing to be who and where I am not..that I have completely failed to submit myself to the Lord. I have found myself many times lately wondering why it seems like those who do not follow the Lord are just fine, or possibly better off than me. It seems like they have no worries, like life is always fun for them, though they never turn to the Lord. And I have just described Psalm 73. Living proof that the Word of the Lord is living and active. Not coincidentally, I have anxiously quoted verses 25-26 and 28 to the Lord, not thinking of the chapter in which they are contained. To continue my previous thought, verse 13 says, "Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.." then verses 16-17, "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny." Wow. "But as for me, it is good to be near God." My current prayer? Lord, bring me to my knees. Forgive my foolishness, and restore to me the joy of Your salvation. Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love! Here's my heart, Lord take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above. God, have mercy. Bring me to the cross.

Hi!

So this is my first experience as a blogger! I have never done this, but the reason I wanted to is so that I can use it as a ministry. I pray that I will be a blessing to others, and I pray that everyone who reads this will find encouragement, being led to worship by the Spirit of God. "That the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come." (Ephesians 1:18-21) That we would know the hope to which we have been called. Wow. Let us worship the Lord. And what other reason are we living for, other than to worship? And this not meaning necessarily singing songs or raising our hands or convincing ourselves of worship, but living in a spirit of praise, being thankful that God has indeed brought us out of darkness and into His marvelous light, into the kingdom of the Son He loves. That we would offer our bodies to God as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to Him, the kind He will accept, for this is truly our spiritual act of worship. That we may be transformed by the renewing of our minds so as not to conform any longer to the pattern of this world. And this in turn overflowing into our lives, pouring into others. May you be encouraged in this way.

So I'm creating this blog at almost 5 in the morning, just because I'm up. I've been up, reading, praying, studying for this wonderful Bible study, "God's Heart for the Nations". We haven't gotten far in it yet because we've just started. But it is wonderful. Very scripturally based (is that a word?). So I suppose I just plan to share with the world what God is doing in my life through this. And where to begin?! Our God is incredible, and He chooses to reveal Himself to us. So where I am..I've been praying lately for humility. I struggle so very much with pride and with anxiety, and these two together. I find myself being anxious about making sure I'm not being prideful. Then I have to stop, regroup, and ask God to fill me with His Spirit and my mind with His Word, that it may dwell in me richly. Then He faithfully reminds me of His Word, things I didn't even know I had memorized. Things that I haven't read in forever, things I memorized in like the 6th grade. How holy is our God. He reveals Himself to us, and when we ask to be filled with His Word, He is faithful to do whatever we ask in His Name.

So one thing I realized the other night as I was thinking about the cross. On the cross, God poured out His wrath for our sin upon Jesus. Acknowledging that God the Father and God the Son are totally equal in the trinity, God in essence poured out His wrath on Himself for our sin. He turned His back on the Son, so literally Jesus (fully God) experienced Hell to redeem that which was lost. (The Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost.) Because He loves us. (Because He IS love.) For the sake of His Name and the praise of His glorious grace (Isaiah 48:9-11, Ephesians 1). So what can we say? What can we do? We fall to our knees, openly acknowledging our sin and utter depravity, but being reminded that "He became sin who knew no sin, that we might become the righteousness of God." Because of Christ, we are righteousness. We have been made righteous. "In order that in the coming ages, He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus." (Ephesians 2:7)

Be encouraged, friends. When we are overwhelmed by life and by our schedules, let us remember that this is not our life; our life is hidden with Christ in God, and when Christ, who is our life, is revealed, we also will be revealed with Him in glory. Therefore, let us set our hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Let us set our minds on things above, not on earthly things, for we have died, and our life is hidden with Christ in God.. (a regrouping of Colossians 3:1-4). Let us remember and pray for those who have never heard the Gospel. Let us remember those who think they have, but have never believed. Let us remember the people we walk around with daily, who look at our lives. May we be a reflection of God, filled with His Spirit and with His love. And this can only happen by humbly submersing ourselves in His Word and prayer, realizing that every single thing we do is an act of worship. Whether it's worship of God or idols, life is worship. "Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength, ascribe to the Lord the GLORY due His Name. Bring an offering and come before Him; worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness." (1 Chronicles 16:28-29) How do we ascribe to the Lord the glory that is due Him? We bring our offerings, all of who we are, which is from Him anyway, we come before Him and worship Him in the splendor of HIS holiness. What a blessing this salvation is! That that which was lost was sought out by the holy Son of Man. We have been chosen (Ephesians 1:4-5, John 15:16), to the praise of His glorious grace (numerous times in Ephesians 1).

God, may we be a people that loves You. No one is good; no one seeks God. But You have sought us. And may we acknowledge, receive, and dwell in the righteousness that is of You and You alone. God, teach us to worship. Teach us to praise You. Teach us to be thankful. Teach us to live. Teach us to pray. Teach us to love. To the praise of YOUR GLORIOUS GRACE! And God, let Your light shine in the darkness.

http://home.worldvision.org/india/?Open&campaign=11071928&ppi=48789042
Visit the site; read the stories. Not so you can feel good that you read something about someone, but actively take time to pray for these people, that they may know God and that they may have life abundantly. And what is eternal life? "Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the ONLY True God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." (John 17:3)
Let us pray together that they may know this hope to which we have been called, that they may know salvation, and that the Light may shine on them. May they know the God of love, of mercy, and of grace. And may we be faithful workers in God's harvest field.