I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion over You and only You..

hey guys! sorry I've left you hanging without the finish to the story of last week, but we've been super busy. So here goes..The next day, we got to the house, and I was just, well, scared. But I knew I must trust my God. After we had talked with the youth minister about our plan to pray through the house (he agreed and informed me that other people in the group had said something about the eerieness), I went to work in the laundry room, where we were having to redo the entire wall of sheetrock, and I told the other missionary with me there that I just couldn't handle it, it was just too much. She told me just to go outside, so I obeyed and went to climbing a ladder to scrape a window. I couldn't make it far up the ladder before I just wanted to cry before the Lord. I told Him how I just couldn't handle it..it was just too much! And I felt His loving arms surround me, and He told me that that day I would feel some of the deepest darkness I had ever experienced, but that day the house would be His. So I just trusted and remained in Him. I couldn't pray, I couldn't find words. I just knew He was there and so I tried to still my mind and just know that He is God.

So after lunch, we all stood on the deck outside, read some Scripture, and prayed. Then we went inside to the living room and did the same, then we sang. And so I figured that after that, all would be well, but my fellow missionary friend and I agreed that it was not completely ok. But I trusted and remained in Christ. And by the end of the day, I felt at peace.

I was placed back at the same house this week with another church group. I guess God isn't done there! Seeing pictures of the house gives me a creepy feeling. When I was told I was going back there, I didn't want to go, but I knew I needed to. I knew I needed to see her again, for some reason. So I went obediently. And I had the best time!

The day began on a bad foot; I was in a bad mood because I wanted to wake up early this morning to spend time with the Lord, but once again I was awakened at the exact time I was supposed to be gone. And so I got left. And I was rather overwhelmed over everything..feeling frustrated with myself (stupid selfishness..) because I could not get it together, anxiety about going to the house again, fear of what might be, everything. Just a sour mood..not of God. And my partner for the week was obviously in a bad mood. But I had had a great conversation with a wonderful lady last night (wink wink), who encouraged me to just learn to enjoy God and spend time with Him, to fast from something and just to focus on Him. So I decided I would fast from worrying about the future and everything that goes with that (which is a kop-out fast until the Lord reveals what He really wants me to fast from), and I would focus on the Lord and His goodness, seeking His plan, and praising Him today. And it was the best day! I spent some time in the morning in the laundry room (as I had already started to say before) with this lady, who told me her incredible story about how her husband wanted a divorce but she didn't want one, but how God showed her she should, and so she did. Not long after, he was put in prison for selling illegal drugs. Then the Lord led her to go to the Catholic church, where He led other people to come to her and seek her out on playing the organ for them. She was confident that it was the Lord protecting her from what could have been had she not allowed the divorce. Then I left the room for a minute, thinking about the homeowner and her friend who had been talking in the living room all morning. So I went and asked them what they were talking about..then her friend broke down and shared about how her husband has an alcohol problem and wants a divorce, not because of another woman, but because of partying. He told her it hurt him that he had such a great woman at home and treated her as he did. She of course didn't want a divorce, because after all the Lord does not like divorce. So I got to share with her a little of my passion for waiting for God's best in marriage, which somehow by God's cool work, helped her. Then I told her she should talk to Mrs. Jackie, the lady who had been working in the laundry room with me. So I just left them alone and went to pray.

This day has just been sprinkled with the Lord's blessings. Just when I've needed extra strength or encouragement, it's been right there. Just when I needed someone to make me laugh, I got a text message. And so here I am, just longing to fall in love with my God again. As A.W. Tozer said, "God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still." Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. And Isaiah 53 has been on my heart and mind, about God's love displayed in Christ. "But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed." Praise be to God for His indescribable gift!