Yesterday, Saturday in Cebu, after our arrival, we visited the cathedral of the Santo Nino (the babydoll they worship), and I was amazed. We had to wait in a long line that stretched through several doorways and hallways to see the actual Santo Nino, which lives in a glass box with many worshippers. In particular, I saw a lady with a young daughter (she was amazed to see white people!) who caught my attention. The worshippers of the Santo Nino kiss a glass box containing some sort of medallion in front of the glass case holding the SN, then they would put their hands to the glass case and silently pray to this non-living babydoll. The lady I watched stood there as if she was begging the Santo Nino for something. It is almost like the people are so poor they pray to this doll to help them, but what hope does it offer? A book I was reading on the plane ride talked about how our Savior has wound marks in His hands, because He suffered and bled for us, but no other god has such wounds. I wonder what it must be like to worship the Santo Nino and to place all my faith in something that is not real. And yet, perhaps in a sense I do that every day. Not to a babydoll and not necessarily intentionally, but how much time do I spend before my Heavenly Father everyday compared to how much time I spend doing other things? We visited First Baptist Cebu this morning, and the preacher spoke about the passage in Luke that contains Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane, where He asks the Father to remove the cup from Him, yet He surrenders to the Father's will and not His own. The pastor spoke about how before Jesus did anything, whether service or missions or whatever He did, He prayed to the Father about it. He would wake up early in the morning to do this. Hearing this was convicting.
After church this morning, we visited the dumpsites, where hundreds of people live. I saw one tiny child washing the family's dishes out of a tiny container filled with soapy water. I saw children running around with no shoes and some with no clothes. I saw kids and a few adults going into the dump to search for garbage and things they could sell or use for their survival. I saw the smoke from where the government has burned "houses" in the dumpsites because they are not getting tax money from the families who live there. Hundreds of people.
I must confess my slight discouragement. I know that I am called to Missions, and I know that my calling came from John chapter 1, where John says that the Light that shines into the darkness that does not understand it, became flesh and made His dwelling among us. I know that I am called to become like the people I am called to serve and to live among them, allowing the Light of the World to shine through me into a darkness that is so dark. I know that I am called to this, yet I find my spiritual self battling my worldliness, as I realize how drastic of a change that will mean from the American life we are used to living. After seeing these people and being among them, I cannot return untouched and unchanged. I cannot ignore such a thing as this. And I cannot deny a calling I prayed to receive. Yet I realize and am grieved by how difficult it would be to change my life in such a way, and only because I am grieved that I am so accustomed to my own way of life. While in church this morning, I begged God's forgiveness for how little I needed Him. All I could pray was "Forgive me God, forgive me!" We sang several songs in the church that were actually familiar to me, and I noticed a trend among them all. They all talked about how everyday we will walk with God and trust that He is all we need. One in particular said, "Better than the riches of this world, better than the sound of my friends' voices, better than getting what I say I need, Your love is..." And the songs went on to say how everyday we'll follow after God and seek His face as all we need, and I found myself unable to sing these words because I honestly didn't know if they were really true of myself. I want them to be, I do! It is like Paul said in Romans, I do not understand what I do! The pastor of FBC Cebu said the reason we need to pray much is because temptation is a strong and powerful thing. Perhaps it is so strong and powerful we do not realize it. I find that there are daily battles against things that take away my need for God, like having everything "I say I need" at my fingertips, with plenty of money in my wallet to get these things. When I think about the kids in the dumpsites, I wonder if they have really ever held money in their little hands. Definitely not as much as I have. And it's not fair, and I don't know what to do about it. Perhaps that will be the topic of many prayers to come....
