We're here!

24 hours, 2 hours of sleep, 2 plane rides, airport at 4:30 am, orientation all day, and an 11:00 pm ice cream run..and we're ready to go! The plane ride was wonderful, no troubles at all. The Lord blessed me with a wonderful couple (who happened to live not long ago in Hattiesburg, went to Temple, and whose neice lived on my floor in the dorm this year!) who helped me find my way to my second plane. It being my first time flying, I was rather amazed at my Lord's creation. And to think that Heaven will be so much MORE glorious! :)

We arrived around 11:00 am yesterday here in Nashville, and orientation wasn't supposed to begin until like 1, so we got a tour of the Tennessee Baptist Convention building, met lots of people (they're crazy up here!) who work with TBC, and ate lunch with a group who will be traveling all over TN this summer doing VBS. Before we began the information part of orientation yesterday, we enjoyed a sweet time of worship with one another, through singing, signing (the Brentwood people signed our theme song, Love Them Like Jesus!), and Bible study. We were challenged with Hebrews 12:1-2, to throw off the sin and things that entangle us and hold us back, and to run the race the Lord has for us this summer and for our lives, using "veteran runners" (our cloud of witnesses) both from the Bible and people the Lord places in our lives, as tools for wisdom and guidance. It was a wonderful way to begin orientation and the summer!

My partner and I met part of the group we will be working with this summer; the rest of them stayed back in Jefferson City at AO (for future reference, that means Appalachian Outreach, the place I will be all summer!). The group who is here consists of me, one other girl, and a whole herd of crazy guys! We quickly clicked, as most of them have been together for a week or two already. I pray that the Lord will continue to bring us together until we're unified in His love! That's my biggest prayer right now, that we will be focused and that we will be unified. Please join me in that prayer! And please pray also for the people we will be serving, that there will be opportunities to share Christ and that they will be open to receiving it! Pray for us also that we may not rely on our own strength or abilities, but on the Lord's, "which so powerfully works in me."

Now unto Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us! To HIM be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Only a few hours left!

Wow, I leave literally in a few hours! We will leave home around 1:30 (that would be AM), headed for Jackson to catch a 6:25 plane. Thank God for daddies who drive for their beloved daughters! :) The excitement is beginning to build! I still have no idea what in the world the Lord is going to do this summer, but I know that He always works in big ways! And I know that I have a whole herd of people praying for me, and for that I am thankful. I have been so blessed by friends and family, and people who might as well be family, since I've been home. The Lord has surrounded me with prayer warriors, and I trust that God's hand in their lives is strong and that they really will be faithful as they have promised to pray. What a blessing. Paul, in Ephesians 2, lists 3 things that he prays "the eyes of (their) hearts" would be enlightened to, and one of them is the glorious inheritance in the saints. While this could be interpreted in many ways, one way I like to look at it is how blessed we are to have fellow saints! And indeed, we are so very blessed! I would just like to ask you to pray and continue to pray for a few things this summer..
-That we will be ever-mindful of our need for prayer and the Lord's guidance, that we will not run ahead of Him or lag behind, but that we will be able to discern the Spirit's leading in our hearts.
-That we will quickly get to know one another and be unified throughout the summer, that we will encourage and love one another as Christ would.
-That we would, as Christ, seek to serve rather than to be served.
-That the Lord would make the people we are going to be in contact with hungry for the Gospel and willing to give their lives to His work.
-That we would connect with the people, form relationships, and know how to effectively minister to their needs.
-That we would fall in love again and again with the Savior of our souls! :)

Less than a week!

So it's less than a week before I leave for TN for the summer! And I must confess my weakness. But not without confessing the Lord's strength. What I mean is, I have once again found myself in that place of just desperately needing my Lord. (Isn't that where we should be all the time?) I have allowed fear and discouragement to creep into the nooks and crannies of my mind, and that is not good. The Lord has not given us a spirit of timidity and fear, but of love, power, and a SOUND MIND. He has repeatedly commanded us to not fear, for the battle belongs to Him. And He has commanded us to consciously put on the armor of God to take a stand against the devil's schemes.

Today I was reading Psalm 41. Verses 10-13 caught my eye. They come at the end of the psalm, after David has told the Lord how everything seems to be crashing around him and everyone is forsaking him, even his best friend. And he asks the Lord to give him triumph over his enemies. "But You, O Lord, have mercy on me; raise me up, that I may repay them. I know that You are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me. In my integrity You uphold me and set me in Your presence forever. Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen." We don't have it all together. Many times we fail the Lord; He knows this better than we do. Many times I find myself comparing my life to others', wondering why I can't be perfect like so-and-so. But who is perfect? Only the Lord. Many times I find myself being anxious or worrying about things, things that worry cannot fix (because worry cannot fix anything). I confess this to the Lord (verse 4.."I said, 'O Lord, have mercy on me; heal me, for I have sinned against you'."). And I ask for victory over the enemy. And the enemy tells me that I have sinned too much, that the Lord is tired of forgiving, that He only has judgments left for me. Because that's what I deserve. Then I read verse 11, and I am reminded that because of Christ, God is pleased with me. Pleased with me! Not because of myself, or any good I could ever do (Check out Ephesians 2:8-9). But because of Christ. And verse 11 finishes by saying "for my enemy does not triumph over me." Satan can throw those fiery arrows (Ephesians 6..the armor of God). Oh wow, how he can throw those fiery arrows! But the Lord has given us protection. And our God, the Almighty God, has conquered death and Satan at the cross. And at the empty tomb. My Mighty God.

Sometimes we don't feel like we have anything to offer the Lord. And we don't. That's the beauty of the cross. That's the beauty of the Gospel. That God Himself came down.."[Christ] being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the Name that is above every name, that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow, in Heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:6-11) My God is Almighty God. My God is mighty to save. My God is the Everlasting God. And nothing can change that. Because He's God.

Oh my, oh my..

I leave for Tennessee in a week and a half! It is really hard to believe, especially seeing as how my stuff from moving out of the dorm is still in the boxes and bags it came home in, untouched. I feel lazy, but I have tried not to move too much after getting these wonderful gum grafts done. An excuse? Probably. Anyway, I must admit that I have mixed feelings about this summer. On the one hand, I'm excited, but on the other I am kind of scared. Probably because it's my first time to do something like this, for this long, and quite honestly I don't know exactly what I'm going to be doing, but I have to trust that the Lord is sovereign and He has me going here for a reason. Looking back, did I not pray during the times they were assigning people to places that the Lord would guide their decisions? Yes. And I got my 3rd choice. Did I not pray for clarity in going? Yes. And here we are. How can I doubt my God? But I do. Yet He is faithful. (That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me.)

I was reading this morning in some Psalms, where it repeatedly tells of the Lord's faithfulness. Psalm 89: 14 says "Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; love and faithfulness go before You." Here we are given 4 attributes of God: righteous, just, loving, and faithful. He is righteous, and He demands justice..He sent Jesus. He is loving and faithful. Always. In the midst of our faithlessness, our God is more than faithful. And powerful and loving. He is our just, righteous Father and friend. He is our loving and faithful Creator. And the next 2 verses speak of His sustaining power, "Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim You, who walk in the light of Your presence, O Lord. They rejoice in Your Name all day long, they exult in Your righteousness." He never changes (check out James 1:17). Our holy and faithful God. And He goes before us, leading the way in His triumphal procession. And He allows us to know Him and to make Him known.

Lord, humble me. Use me, though I am less than nothing. I am Yours, O Lord.

Finally..three months later..

So I have just spent some time reading blogs and such, after a long day of moving all my junk from the tiny dorm room, to the tiny car, to the tiny room in my tiny house. How can we accumulate so much stuff? HOW?! Where does it come from? And what do we do with it? I must admit that I am rather frustrated with myself for all the stuff I own. And I have no idea what to do with it all. I wish I could snap my fingers and it would be gone. I have this battle in my mind..the Lord said to sell your posessions and give the money to the poor. Yet there are people who are rich in the Bible, followers of Christ. And I see many God-fearing people today around me with just as much stuff as I have. I don't think they're wrong for having possessions. And I tell myself that for me, it's what it means to be American, to buy more and more stuff and never be content. Is this a bad thing? I don't know. I really don't. Perhaps if I spent more time in the Word seeking to truly understand what the Lord really says about it, I would be better off. I just don't know.

Anyway, the real reason I decided to blog at this time, like ten million years after I created this whole thing and wrote my first post (I am so not a faithful blogger, obviously). Hmm..where to start? I guess I could tell where I am spiritually, which is the only thing I really care to tell. This semester of school has been rediculously crazy. I have changed my major twice, and I have finished the semester as Undecided. (ha!) Since Spring Break, I have battled with whether I believe in God. Crazy huh? Nope, everyone does it. I have struggled with why I should believe in the One True God when there are countless people out there who do not. (This is such a weak argument, but I am only showing how foolish and weak I have allowed Satan to tell me that I am, rather than claiming the royalty that I am (1Peter 2:9) and the power of our God (Ephesians 1) ). For the possible sake of someone someday who may read this, I will be open and honest about it.

I suppose it all started with a conversation with someone who refused to believe in God. Well, not necessarily to believe IN Him, but the refusal to realize the need for a Savior and to trust Him as such. Anyway, because of this and because of the confusion of trying to learn the history of the world in a secular classroom (and the beginnings of world religions), and just simply because of my foolishness and weakness, I fell deep into confusion and seeming despair. I forgot the power of my God. I began to struggle with why I believe what I believe. I asked questions like is there really a God? Why should I believe this? and if I don't believe this, how can I still pray to Him? Do I believe this Bible is really His Word? And why? Why would I believe that? Because if you think about it, it is really pretty rediculous that the God of the Universe would come and die for me. I questioned why I should take a book (the Bible of course) and commit my life to living totally by it, when there are many other religions with many other books and many followers who follow those books religiously. (And I remember the prayer I passionately and desperately, wholeheartedly prayed on my trip home for Spring Break, the beginning of the craziness.."I want to KNOW Christ and the POWER of His resurrection, the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming LIKE HIM in His death, and so somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead"--Philippians 3:10-11..I suppose Satan didn't like this prayer.)

But through all these questions the Lord sustained me. Because of His grace (I clung to 2 Corinthians 12), and by His great mercy, I still went to Him. Daily. The Lord graciously led me many years ago to develop a habit of spending time in His Word in the mornings (praise Him for that!), and I could never let that go. Though many many many times this semester I spent this time questioning Him and battling how I could really read this and believe it as Truth if I wasn't totally convinced, but I can say that His grace truly is sufficient. The more the questions came and the more Satan pounded my anxious mind (he knows my weakness), the harder I clung to the Word. Again, the Lord was faithful to recall many passages I have never purposefully committed to memory. But it wasn't a pleasant time. Though Scripture came to my mind, I struggled all the harder to truly believe it. But the Lord put many friends in my path who encouraged me. They really will never know how much of a blessing they are. But oh, how unpleasant it has been! I daily longed for the next day to be better, for something to just amazingly become clearer, that tomorrow my quiet time really will be better, and I will feel like me again, resting in the arms of the Creator I know I believe in. I greatly missed the times when I would miss sleep just to be with the Lord, just because I could tell He was trying to tell me something through His Word and I didn't want to miss it. I missed the times I could sit for hours, digging through the Word, making notes and praising Him for showing me new things. I constantly longed to be back in that place, to be back on my face before Him. But why was I not on my face all the harder? I let the enemy win. And as school became harder and busier, with finals nearing the corner, I was convinced I could not please the Lord if I didn't spend time studying for my classes, putting my best foot forward. (Ha, as if I did anyway.) A good idea, I suppose, but not if it takes the place of my time with the Lord.

Anyway, to make the story even longer, I have spent some time today reading through other people's blogs, and then I read my last post and cried as I did. I miss so very much the night I wrote that. I spent several hours on my face before God in my friend's dorm room, reading Scripture, praying, praising, singing. I have gotten so caught up in so many things..busyness, insecurities, wanting other people's gifts, longing to be who and where I am not..that I have completely failed to submit myself to the Lord. I have found myself many times lately wondering why it seems like those who do not follow the Lord are just fine, or possibly better off than me. It seems like they have no worries, like life is always fun for them, though they never turn to the Lord. And I have just described Psalm 73. Living proof that the Word of the Lord is living and active. Not coincidentally, I have anxiously quoted verses 25-26 and 28 to the Lord, not thinking of the chapter in which they are contained. To continue my previous thought, verse 13 says, "Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.." then verses 16-17, "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny." Wow. "But as for me, it is good to be near God." My current prayer? Lord, bring me to my knees. Forgive my foolishness, and restore to me the joy of Your salvation. Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love! Here's my heart, Lord take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above. God, have mercy. Bring me to the cross.