1800's house + beautiful artwork = third-world country, here I come!

So I have been waiting all day to update everyone on what God is doing! It pumps me up!! Yesterday, we finished Sequoyah's house, the one with all the crazy stuff happening, and to be honest I was afraid to go to the house on Sunday, but by yesterday, I didn't want to leave. God gave me a heart for Sequoyah and her neighbor Jazzbo (ha, love the name! and yes, they have a little "thang" goin on). They are the craziest, most "different" people I've ever met, but Lord have mercy, I have listened to story after story, and I just absolutely love the people! I feel like God has given me a new love for people and a new burning passion for Himself, as I have been praying for. I have struggled forever with anxiety, just always feeling overwhelmed by things, and so lately I've been praying for God to take that away, to increase my faith, and help me see things more clearly, as He does. I want to see and love people the way He does. And I want to fall absolutely and passionately in love with Him. And I cannot explain the things He has done in my heart just this week. Every day as I have been working, He has constantly been on my mind. God and I have laughed together, cried together (in my mind, because my eyes don't tear easily anymore, which is sad), I've gotten mad while He laughs, and we've just enjoyed each other! The song "Yearn" by Shane and Shane is my theme song for the week. (It says, "I want to yearn for you; I want to burn with passion for You, only You.") I want to fall in absolute head-over-heels love with my God and with the people He has created, and I feel like He has done that this week. I have been much less anxious that usual, except for earlier tonight when I had an anxiety attack, which went away with time, prayer, and trust, as I felt God gently drawing me nearer to Himself and inreasing my faith that He is all I need. As I look back over the summer, the past two weeks, and my entire life, I can see in a new light traces of God's hand at work. It amazes me that every single moment in my life comes together to make me who I am, a vessel for the Lord to use in incredible ways. (A good song for that? Bless the Broken Road..my goodness, they've got me listening to country!) And I've decided that the reason I've never truly been satisfied with society and with "stuff" is because I've not been created for it (of course, we know that, but do we actually live and believe it?). It seems like it really takes us going out completely on a limb, trusting God to lead us on and take care of our every need, to realize that He is truly all we need. It is easy to sit in a nice air-conditioned, padded-pew church building and sing about how God is our All in All or our only hope, or all we desire, but it is different when you go to a house that belongs to an incredible artist with three children who have all lived in a house with no walls and wide-open windows for 4 years and spent 3 winters without insulation or any kind of warmth. The house? Beautiful. Cassie's (the mother) artwork? Incredible. The small "farm" on their property? Priceless. It made me cry. And it is here, and it is in the face of Jazzbo, a rough pot-bellied man with tattoos all over both arms, who smokes and lives with another guy in a house with a roof that needs to be replaced, but who cares for people like no other, it is in these places and faces that I see Christ. And it is this Christ, this Love that has given its all for me, that I give my life to follow. We sing the song that says, "I give my life to follow everything I believe in.." but what does this truly mean for us? For me, it means the poor. That's my passion. That's my heart. And it didn't come from me. But I love my God more passionately for having mercy and grace upon me and opening my eyes to the greatness of Who He is in the face of precious people. And as I sit here, writing about this Love, listening the 70's song "Let's Groove Tonight", I worship my God. I pour out my heart to Him as I pour out my heart to You about how He is loving me and loving these families. I don't think I can ever look at the world in the same way again. The way I've seen my Lord work, the way I've seen Him love the people that the world turns away, draws me to my knees in prayer and praise, begging God to lead me to those who don't know Him. "May the Lord bless us and make His face shine upon us, that Your ways may be known on Earth, Your salvation among all nations..." And so I pray that they may know. God, that they may know...

oops!

Actually, I just realized that the story I referred to in that last post, I only posted half of here..I just sent it in messages to people. So here is the story..somewhat backwards and out of order, but here nonetheless! :) (So read this first, then the one that's called "I want to yearn for You...") :)


Hi guys, I know I've already asked this, but I must ask again. As I said before, the house we are at this week has some major spiritual warfare going on. It's honestly like nothing I've ever seen or felt before. I sensed it Friday when we visited the house, and tonight it has reached the strongest it's been. My roommate, who is also on my site, and I were talking about the day, and we sensed it here. Well, first, I'll tell you about today. Actually, let's back up to yesterday..

So I went into the week really hoping that ministering to the homeowner was my job, and excitedly looked forward to what the Lord would do through me. I tried several times to leave whatever job I was doing to go speak with her, praying I would not miss an opportunity. But every time I would try to talk to her, it seemed the conversation went nowhere, except to talk about anxiety, which I have struggled with and can relate to. But I just knew God was working, so I waited patiently. Then, I saw that a lady from the church group was talking with her outside on the swing. Of course at first there was a small sense of jealousy, because after all that was my job! but I was really all right with it, because I realized that it is not about me being used, but about her seeing the Lord. God gave me a total peace about her talking with the homeowner instead of me, but I continued to be in constant prayer.

Then today, I was working on scraping some window trim on the outside of the house, and I felt the most calm I've felt in 2 days, and I just prayed and talked with God and just had a good ol' time alone on that ladder. And I prayed for her. The homeowner had her best friend over today, and the two of them plus the lady from the church (Sharon) sat in the bedroom literally all morning talking, and I could tell it was a very good thing. Her bedroom is open to the walkway that leads to the washroom (which the precious girls scraped for 2 days, then found that the sheetrock underneath was molded and needed to be replaced..needless to say, they enjoyed demolition :) ), so we could see them talking. There came a time when the girls needed a break because the room is so small and hot (by the way, I was totally put in charge of that project, and we were rockin it!). So while they were gone, I was going to go see what needed to be done next, but I stopped outside the room to just listen to the conversation. I didn't hear much, but Sharon, the lady from our church group, was saying something about how God frees us from guilt. I felt the need to pray, and to pray vigilently.

So I went into the kitchen and sat down and just prayed. Then I looked over into the pantry, where there is a staircase in the floor that leads underneath the house. This, I believe, is where her husband had some of the computers set up for watching the boys, so I knew it was just an awful place. I could feel something, some spirit, as I was going down, but I knew I needed to be there. It was secluded and quiet. And I got down on my knees, in the nasty dirt, and just prayed. I thought of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, and how He prayed so passionately and so hard because the devil was all around Him. The more I prayed, the more I felt the need to pray, as I began to feel that the devil had a huge stronghold on the house. I realized that where I was is possibly one of the most unholy places there. I prayed and prayed, and then a song came to mind that says "Blow, mighty breath of God, move upon this place. Oh, mighty breath of God, come in power and grace...". Then I prayed some more and came up from underneath the house, where I joined the group to eat lunch.

I got the opportunity to pray over lunch, which was cool. Then after lunch I was taken off the site and told to go to another, which desperately needed to be finished today. There, I enjoyed beautiful scenery, while at the same time feeling like I was in a third-world country because of the condition of the place. It made me excited, because that's where I want to be one day! :) And there was this dog there, named Dixie, who seemed to have very little human contact. She was chained to a tree, with a very short leash, she had no bowl but her food was lying on the ground, and it was rather obvious that she couldn't go far because of the massive buildup of droppings to the side of where she was. So I played with her, layed with her in the grass while she layed on top of me, and then shoveled poop in the Name of Jesus so that she could have a cleaner environment :) And that made me happy..a great blessing in the midst of all the craziness.

But then tonight, my roommate and I came to our apartment, where we talked about some things. Then the conversation turned to the house, and we talked about materials we need for tomorrow and things like that. I shared with her the story of today, and how I prayed under the house. And then we both agreed that we felt a very strong spirit there in our apartment, and it was not the Spirit of God. So we vigilently prayed. We just prayed and prayed and prayed, because there was nothing else we could do. Then I began to sing. And so we sang. And prayed some more. Then we talked about other things, and then we prayed again. Then we decided we needed to go to bed :) And so she did, but well now here I am typing this, because I wanted to do it before I went to bed. But before she went off, we decided that tomorrow while Sharon and another lady from the church take the homeowner and her friend out to lunch, we will get the entire group together and pray over each room of the house and over the neighborhood. And so that is what we plan to do. And I have a peace that by tomorrow all will be well. I really do. And I praise my God, and I rejoice, because He is revealing His power to us. And His glory will be over this house like no other. And that, dear friends, is the power of our God, and the power of prayer. "If My people, who are called by My Name, would humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear, and I will forgive, and I will heal their land." And so let us pray. :)

I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion over You and only You..

hey guys! sorry I've left you hanging without the finish to the story of last week, but we've been super busy. So here goes..The next day, we got to the house, and I was just, well, scared. But I knew I must trust my God. After we had talked with the youth minister about our plan to pray through the house (he agreed and informed me that other people in the group had said something about the eerieness), I went to work in the laundry room, where we were having to redo the entire wall of sheetrock, and I told the other missionary with me there that I just couldn't handle it, it was just too much. She told me just to go outside, so I obeyed and went to climbing a ladder to scrape a window. I couldn't make it far up the ladder before I just wanted to cry before the Lord. I told Him how I just couldn't handle it..it was just too much! And I felt His loving arms surround me, and He told me that that day I would feel some of the deepest darkness I had ever experienced, but that day the house would be His. So I just trusted and remained in Him. I couldn't pray, I couldn't find words. I just knew He was there and so I tried to still my mind and just know that He is God.

So after lunch, we all stood on the deck outside, read some Scripture, and prayed. Then we went inside to the living room and did the same, then we sang. And so I figured that after that, all would be well, but my fellow missionary friend and I agreed that it was not completely ok. But I trusted and remained in Christ. And by the end of the day, I felt at peace.

I was placed back at the same house this week with another church group. I guess God isn't done there! Seeing pictures of the house gives me a creepy feeling. When I was told I was going back there, I didn't want to go, but I knew I needed to. I knew I needed to see her again, for some reason. So I went obediently. And I had the best time!

The day began on a bad foot; I was in a bad mood because I wanted to wake up early this morning to spend time with the Lord, but once again I was awakened at the exact time I was supposed to be gone. And so I got left. And I was rather overwhelmed over everything..feeling frustrated with myself (stupid selfishness..) because I could not get it together, anxiety about going to the house again, fear of what might be, everything. Just a sour mood..not of God. And my partner for the week was obviously in a bad mood. But I had had a great conversation with a wonderful lady last night (wink wink), who encouraged me to just learn to enjoy God and spend time with Him, to fast from something and just to focus on Him. So I decided I would fast from worrying about the future and everything that goes with that (which is a kop-out fast until the Lord reveals what He really wants me to fast from), and I would focus on the Lord and His goodness, seeking His plan, and praising Him today. And it was the best day! I spent some time in the morning in the laundry room (as I had already started to say before) with this lady, who told me her incredible story about how her husband wanted a divorce but she didn't want one, but how God showed her she should, and so she did. Not long after, he was put in prison for selling illegal drugs. Then the Lord led her to go to the Catholic church, where He led other people to come to her and seek her out on playing the organ for them. She was confident that it was the Lord protecting her from what could have been had she not allowed the divorce. Then I left the room for a minute, thinking about the homeowner and her friend who had been talking in the living room all morning. So I went and asked them what they were talking about..then her friend broke down and shared about how her husband has an alcohol problem and wants a divorce, not because of another woman, but because of partying. He told her it hurt him that he had such a great woman at home and treated her as he did. She of course didn't want a divorce, because after all the Lord does not like divorce. So I got to share with her a little of my passion for waiting for God's best in marriage, which somehow by God's cool work, helped her. Then I told her she should talk to Mrs. Jackie, the lady who had been working in the laundry room with me. So I just left them alone and went to pray.

This day has just been sprinkled with the Lord's blessings. Just when I've needed extra strength or encouragement, it's been right there. Just when I needed someone to make me laugh, I got a text message. And so here I am, just longing to fall in love with my God again. As A.W. Tozer said, "God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still." Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. And Isaiah 53 has been on my heart and mind, about God's love displayed in Christ. "But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed." Praise be to God for His indescribable gift!

Crazy Intense..coming right up!

Hey guys, sorry it's been awhile since I've updated, but God has been doing some absolutely incredible things this past week. But I just wanted to ask everyone to please be in special prayer for our group this week. My group in particular, a group from a church called Temple Baptist from South Carolina (funny, I know), 2 other summer missionaries, and I will be working at a house with some pretty intense situations. The lady who owns the house was married to a man who wired the entire house with cameras to spy on their child and his friends. When his wife, the homeowner, discovered this, she turned him in, and he committed suicide in their house. There are many things that need to be done on the house itself, but I have been given the special mission of spending a lot of time with the homeowner, just being there for her to talk to and just to do some intense head-on ministry.

When I discovered all this on Friday, I was absolutely pumped about going this week. We visited the house on Friday, and when we got onto the street, I seriously felt like I was in a third-world country..it just looks so homely and poor. And when we arrived at the house, I could feel the Spirit of God strong around the house, but as the weekend has transpired, things have changed. I have felt some pretty intense spiritual things, and I think this week will be a very intense time of some spiritual warfare, like nothing I've ever seen before. I was laying in bed last night at like 4:30 in the morning (I know I just said last night and in the morning in the same sentence, but you catch my drift) and was praying because I was still wide awake. And I began to think about the power of God and how incredible it would be to actually see the glory of God, as we often pray. I am constantly praying for God's glory in this city, but I thought of it in a different way last night. When Moses asked to see God, God pretty much said to him, "no buddy, you think you want to see Me, but you can't handle it!" So in His love and grace He hid Moses in the cleft of the mountain and allowed him to see only his backside, because He said no one can see His face and live. So I prayed something bold; to see the glory and power of God displayed in my life. I suppose Satan didn't like that too much!

Today after church I began to feel sick, so I didn't eat lunch, then after we arrived at the Minsitry Center to get things ready for the week and for orientation tonight, I began to feel really week and light-headed. I honestly felt like it was Satan because I knew we would have a crazy intense week ahead. But at the same time God used it for His glory because it gave me some time to spend alone in prayer, as I left the Ministry Center and returned to the apartment for some rest. While "resting", I could just sense God's Spirit telling me to be still, to rest in Him, allthewhile feeling very anxious and uneasy about something. And I honestly feel like there is some major spiritual battle going on that I cannot see, and I think it will probably carry over into the week. So I will spend much time in prayer, listening to and waiting for God. I will try hard to rejoice and be joyful, because it is easy to be discouraged and feel weak. But my God is not weak. He conquered death and the grave, and nothing in all creation can separate me from His love. There is something incredible that God is preparing us for this week, and I can't wait to find out what it is! But I will not be so foolish as to think that I can by any means do this in my own power. So I ask you to be in constant prayer with me for this family and their healing. And I ask you to remember all God's people throughout the world and pray for boldness, opportunity, and clarity of words in presenting the gospel, as Paul instructs us to do. "For we have not been given a spirit of timidity and fear, but of love and a sound mind." "Mercy triumphs over judgment." "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." "The Lord will fight the battle; you need only to be still." "Be still and know that I am God..." "Trust in the Lord will ALL your heart and do not lean on your own understanding."

All of life comes down to just one thing; that's to know You, oh Jesus, and to make You known

Wow, this has been one of the most incredible days of the summer. I look back on this day, and I can see traces of God's glory all over it. It started when I way overslept. We were supposed to be at the ministry center at 6:30 this morning..my roommate came in my room at 6:28 wondering where I was. So I jumped up, threw on my clothes, brushed my teeth and threw water on my face, and out the door I went with untied shoelaces. So no time for quiet time with God! But you know, last night something seemed to tell me that would happen (again!) this morning. So when I woke up, I realized how rediculous it is for me to get frustrated with myself (as I usually do) with not waking up or being awake enough to spend time with the Lord, when there is an entire day to talk to Him. I mean, it is important, it's very important! But I don't need to put God in a box and say He can only use me if I convince myself I've spent enough time in His Word and in prayer every morning, especially when it ends up being almost legalistic. Anyway, that's not the good part..

So I'm with this group this week, Lakeview Baptist Church from Lewisburg, TN (small town, small church, great passion for Christ). And there's this one lady in particular who literally keeps me going through the day when I get so sleepy. Her name is Minnie (yes, like Minnie Mouse), and I tell you she is the craziest thing I've ever met, but she is an absolute blessing. And the entire group is, really! They are all just so fabulous, and I feel like I've made a new family! Which is good, because I go through Lewisburg when traveling to Shelbyville to visit my cousins, so now I have a place to stop in good ol' Lewisburg before getting stopped for a speeding ticket in Cornersville (inside family joke). And this week we're at Mrs. Bibbins house. She is an 84-year old, precious lady who lost her husband 5 years ago. She says she never imagined she'd have to live without him, because they married so young (for 60-something years!!). Her 54-year old daughter lives with her, who has had lots of medical problems, including cancer, and has to sleep with an oxygen machine every night. There are also 2 little 7-year old boys running around all day who just steal my heart! But I feel a very special drawing to this family. The house they live in is built on a hill, and through time the foundation has made the house actually seem like it is built on a hill, because all the floors inside are sloped, as are the walls, and well let's just say there's a lot that needs to be done.

Here's a picture of pulling up the subflooring to fix some joists, as best we could! We did this in a couple of places throughout the house, but other than that we're just going to lay lauan and put in some flooring!

Anyway, so enough about the work. The important stuff..I was talking with one of my missionary partners for the week about missions and being called to the mission field as a career. We were talking about selling everything and going, and he got really excited and told me I needed to talk to this man and woman who are literally selling all they have, house and all, and going to the foreign mission field. I thought it was kind of strange for me to just randomly call them during the middle of the day, but he absolutely insisted, so I did, and I'm glad I did. He (the man) couldn't talk much, but he gave me his home phone number and told me to call and talk to his wife later tonight. So after we got back from AO and from our little run to Wal-Mart (we got off early tonight, and it was wonderful!), I called her, and I kid you not I had chills the entire time we talked. She has no idea how much of a blessing she was to me, a complete sock in the head from God, being like, ok wake up! :) She talked about some experiences she has had on the field and how she knows that the Lord is calling them to go now. I can't share all she said, but it was incredible. It was an absolute clear sign from God, giving me confidence, guidance, and people who know what they're doing (contacts!) that I need to follow Him to whatever crazy place He may lead me in the future. It was so exciting, so I got on my knees and praised God, then I surrendered and said here I am, send me! I can't wait to see where the Lord leads me in the future.

So I couldn't stay on the floor for too long, because I had to go play tennis with my group (I love these people!). I really only expected Minnie and this other precious lady named Tammy (the youth minister's wife) to be there, but several of the group showed up. Travis, the youth minister, and I played a short round (I wooped his tail), then we let other people have their turn. Before we met up though, when we were talking on the phone, deciding what time to meet up, I told them I would tell them in person what it was, but that something very exciting was happening (that would be the phone call). So when they got there, I excitedly explained the conversation. Of course, no one was as excited as I was, but through it, Travis and I ended up talking for at least an hour about missions, martyrs, true faith, the ruts the American church is in, music (he plays guitar and piano, writes music, and even has a recording studio..legit!), and movies. God continues to confirm in my heart His calling, and I could not be happier than to think that He has considered me worthy. What greater thing is there, than to know Christ and to make Him known? That's what we live for, what we were created to do. So then after we played tennis (or they played and we talked), the ladies walked me back to my apartment, and we stood and talked for awhile about everything! I shared with them my struggles, my fears, and my clear calling. Which reminds me..

I don't think I've shared with everyone the story of my specific calling. Maybe I have, but if so I'll share it again, just because it makes me happy :) So for the past semester, I struggled so very much with everything-changing my major, where my life is going, and even whether I believe in this God and this Bible. Crazy as it is, through all the struggle over whether I even believed in God, my heart was always stirred when I heard a sermon or something talking about missions or about the precious poor people who have never heard any news of hope in the world. Though I struggled with whether I believed the Bible, I never quit searching, and God was more than faithful. Looking back, I'm sure it was an absolute time of spiritual warfare, and I didn't even know it; God preparing me for whatever lies ahead, and Satan for sure not liking God's work in me. So anyway, through the semester, the thought of career missions was constantly on my mind, but I was never sure exactly what God wanted me to do. I remember praying specifically, starting right before I came here, about why I was always stirred for this. Many times I was completely taking it by faith that the God I was praying to even existed, because it sure didn't feel like it. But I remember asking God why every time I heard about missions or someone talk about their ministry to the inner-city children, or whatever, my heart was stirred and I wanted to be there. I didn't understand why, if I questioned God so much, I cared anything about the tribes deep in the heart of the African jungle who have never heard the name of Jesus. And it didn't take long for God to respond. He led me to John 1, and a few verses stood out to me. It says, "The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.." Jesus came to earth and dwelled AMONG us, which means He was on our level, He got down and dirty with us and LIVED with us! And He has called us to do the same with sinners. Then it says "and we have beheld His glory, of the One and Only, sent from the Father full of grace and truth." (FULL of GRACE and TRUTH! Christ has come not to condemn the world, but to fulfill the law in love and to preach the gospel of grace! And we have seen this glory, we have heard the gospel and experienced His healing touch!) But then the very next verse says "And John testifies concerning this." And in that moment, I felt the Lord clearly say, "Come, follow Me in this." And since then, there has been an absolute peace, no doubt, that this was God and His calling.

So anyway, I'm super pumped about what God is doing, and to find out where He is leading me. I will try to let everyone know any updates, but for now, I'm hoping to go back to Mrs. Bibbins's house tomorrow and hang out with them some more.

Just for fun, here are some pictures of some of the things we did today.. :)

We snapped some beans for Mrs. Bibbins. Thanks, mom, for all the years of practice for this day! ;) It was Will's (dude in the black) first time to ever snap beans..he's from Maryland!

My group convinced me to try peanuts in a coke..very interesting! I had never heard of this before. And another thing I had never heard of that I ate on my sandwich at lunch..yellow tomatoes! Mom, you've never shared that experience with me! :)

And also just for your pleasure, here is my favorite picture from our site..it just makes me happy, just because :)

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

Thank You, Lord, for this opportunity.